Date:          July 2005
Title:         Crazy
Author:        Jeroen Verbeek, Copyright (C) 2005. All rights reserved.

Summary:       Trapped in a world of darkness, I can't resist the indecent 
               invitation of a strange woman to make love with her.

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Crazy


I remember a time when I could see beauty in anything and everything. But a 
year ago, things started to change drastically. I became uncertain about my 
long-term goals. I also struggled to make sense of the rapid changing world 
around me. Or maybe I was just disappointed in life. All the time, I was 
having this inner battle with myself. But no one listened. Nobody cared. I 
was not like everyone else. I represented a smoking fire, ready to blaze. 
And therefore I was crazy!
     I wished they would just give me a nice long rest at a psychiatric 
institution. Get a complete mental check up. Start my own journey toward 
self-awareness. I wanted to live in a world of stringent routines and life 
abandoning activities. Perhaps I could escape the cities all together. But 
when I voluntarily institutionalized myself, this was not exactly what 
happened. After trying so hard to get away from the real world, I 
experienced how dangerous my new surroundings were to the human spirit. I 
was trapped in a psychiatric hospital.

To my horror, I found that I was unable to move. Confined in a 
straitjacket, I sat on the linoleum floor of a padded cell. The only 
illumination came from a small, chicken-wired window at the door. I was 
completely out of touch with reality in this claustrophobic place. It was 
their intention to break me. I needed to learn tolerance and basic 
morality, that's what they'd said. `Do as you would done by.`
     I looked straight at the camera. It wouldn't take long before they 
would rush in, injecting me with another neuroleptic. Every time fear 
dilated my pupils as the gleaming needle was at my throat. Then a sharp 
sting and a burning pain, melting away my own will and personality in a 
world of haze and blackness.

"I'll take your straitjacket off," I heard the voice of a woman in the far 
distance.
     Slowly I regained consciousness. My eyes eventually adjusted and the 
silhouette in front of me took form. The woman was dressed in all white, 
and resembled the understanding, compassionate nurse.
     "Promise me you won't do anything they'll consider threatening, okay?" 
she said, pointing at the camera.
     I nodded a yes. Then she released me from my bindings, grabbed my 
shoulders, and steadied me. She smiled, her hands now resting on my 
shoulders as I faced her. Somehow I felt vulnerable and embarrassed. It 
wasn't only that I was naked -- it was also the chemicals racing through my 
body. I attempted to cover my private parts, but she pulled my hands away 
and kissed me passionately on my lips.
     "Make love to me," she breathed in a husky voice.
     I could hardly believe my ears. She must be out of her mind to want a 
guy like me. After all, I was supposed to be crazy. Not her.
     She pushed her body up against me. I could feel the pressure of her 
breasts against my chest. Soft little mewling noises escaped her mouth, 
almost begging me to have sex with her. I was unsure of what to do. A part 
of me wanted to resist the arousal, but a larger part wanted to give in to 
her indecent invitation. And I still wonder if any man on earth could have 
resisted those pleading eyes full of desire. Because I didn't.

My breathing was harsh, deep; I felt suffocated, as if I couldn't get 
enough air into my body. A look of panic crossed my face as I realized that 
I was dangerously entangled in the bedclothes. I quickly freed myself, 
panting heavily to fill my lungs with much-needed oxygen. I could have 
killed myself!
     I laid back, closed my eyes and started to recall last night's dream. 
It was such a vivid experience. I mean, strapped in a straightjacket and 
having sex with a strange woman was, at least, weird. It had almost seemed 
that I had truly met her in that padded cell somewhere. Then I suddenly 
became aware that my erotic dream had left me with a sticky, creamy 
reminder on the sheets. Oops! How to explain my nocturnal activities to my 
wife?



The End



----- This work is copyright (C) Jeroen Verbeek, 2005, all rights reserved -----